Of books, magic, and children with sticks
by theschizokid
Summary: Sometimes Iruka wants to strangle his boss What happens when Harry Potter meets Konoha's Academy of little ninja? Two words: Utter. Chaos. Crackfic, drabble. Please R&R!


Umino Iruka was at his wits' end.

Why? Because when he tried to start teaching, one random brat ― either Kiba or Naruto, it was_ always_ one of them ― would jump up and point a twig at him, shrieking, "_Langlock!_", and then run around the room while Iruka stared dumbfounded.

It all started when the Third, wise as he was, decided to sign that goddamn trade agreement. Said agreement flooded Konoha with a series entitled "Harry Potter", and for the life of him Iruka swore he would kill such a man should he ever encounter him. Nevertheless, the children also suddenly decided the saga was "cool", and so practically all of Konoha's youths were usually seen reading it.

Of course, the Third saw how enthusiastic the young were about reading all because of this wondrous series of witchcraft and wizardry, thus he promised the throngs of mobbing parents ― _whose children had demanded the latest sold-out book_ ― that more stocks would be imported. Really, sometimes Iruka wanted to strangle his boss so bad.

_Ah well_, his colleague Mizuki had sighed, _If you can't beat them, join them_. The man had said that while reading the first blasted book of the stupid series, and for a whole minute Iruka had stared at Mizuki, positively horrified.

_No_, the teacher told himself, determined not to get sucked into this strange, alien Harry Potter vortex. He feared one day he would go into class and join those little buggers, snapping branches off helpless trees and waving them manically in front of other flabbergasted people. _No_, he shuddered at the thought_, I will not succumb._

And, well, he didn't ― so far. In fact, Iruka managed to survive week after week of "confundo", "confringo", "expulso", "finite incantatum", "impedimenta", and _many, many_ more words and phrases that made absolutely no sense to Iruka. He had managed like this, for a few weeks.

But on the fifth or sixth week of what the Third had dubbed, 'Potter Madness', Umino Iruka snapped.

He forbade his students to bring any Harry Potter books into his class, and he confiscated all extensions of trees before any student of his was allowed into his classroom. Iruka's actions earned him the nickname 'Big Meanie', but beyond that and a few useless rather Imperio chants, the children largely obeyed their teacher.

Until, that is, Naruto jumped onto his table and yelled a terrifying battle cry, accusing his teacher of robbing him of his childhood. Don't get Iruka wrong ― if it were just Naruto, Iruka would have been able to calm the hyperactive brat with a bowl of Ichiraku Ramen. Yet with his kind of sucky luck, almost everyone else joined the revolution.

Iruka cursed his fate; he wasn't allowed to lay a finger on his charges ― and honestly speaking, he wasn't sure he would be able to control himself if he did let himself go ― but he did need to re-establish order.

Unfortunately, Naruto rallied his class and tied their teacher to his chair, snatching their stolen books from the locked drawer after destroying the wood, grabbing their sticks, and finally parading around the classroom. Iruka had to hand it to him; if he weren't trapped he would've given Naruto full marks in leadership and co-operation.

Umino Iruka was about to call it quits, but at the corner of his eye he saw the only calm student sitting in a quiet corner, brooding as he always was. All he seemed to be doing ― other than the usual skulking ― was staring at the overt barbarism of his fellow classmates, with an adequately horrified expression on his face.

"Psst," Iruka whispered, not wanting to call any attention to himself. He repeated this a second time when the boy seemed not to hear him. "Sasuke, Sasuke..."

Said Uchiha turned his duck-butt head, prompting Iruka to wonder if Naruto knew of a spell to fix the hairdo. Regardless, Iruka decided his priority was getting loose. "Could you help your Sensei here?" the hapless teacher pleaded, dismissing his last few shreds of dignity as he begged his student to set him free.

Uchiha Sasuke looked at Umino Iruka, his dark, harsh onyx eyes unwavering. After clearing his throat he finally spoke, though not moving an inch. Sasuke glared at his teacher.

"Avada kedavra," he said, pointing a forefinger at the man's forehead. And with a quick turn of his head Uchiha Sasuke ignored the shocked splutters of his teacher, deciding instead to continue reading the Harry Potter book concealed within the Ninjutsu textbook.


End file.
